Tag: <span>executive coaching</span>

Separate The Bad Habit From The Intention

Is your bad habit just pure bad?

What if it had a lot of good in it too?

 

 

bad habit life coaching editorial image

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Most of us don’t challenge the way we think because we generally agree it’s just the way we are which is a social protection mechanism and a bad habit. I bet you have heard something like this many times “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” or ” a leopard doesn’t change its spots”

 

This really is a big fat lie that keeps us all safe and comfortable huddled together agreeing with each other in comfortable bliss and safety but have you ever wondered why we stay stuck with a bad habit?

 

This is really common so please just consider this with an open mind. A major premise of NLPNeuro Linguistic Programming is that the sub-conscious mind will never do anything to harm the person and everything it does is for a positive reason.

 

Sometimes I talk about it in this way to help people consider it differently – I often ask smokers what do you get out of smoking and most times they say “absolutely nothing”. Point to note is smoking is the bad habit.

 

Then I ask this “what’s the positive intention or positive purpose of smoking?” which sometimes can take a bit of teasing out of the person and it usually includes the following –

 

“I get to leave the office for a quick fag” “I get to relax after a long day” “it stops me killing the kids” “It helps me feel good” so the positive purposes or intentions of the bad habit are Comfort, relaxation, safety and freedom to which the light bulb comes on and they then realise they smoke for very good reasons. So no more denial about getting absolutely nothing out of smoking.

 

This is a turn around moment in the conversation realising there are positives in a bad habit. But more than that is the sense that it’s not all bad so a person can see that beating them self up doesn’t help them progress to reconsider a bad habit as something else entirely.

 

So without considering this turn around this is why we can stay stuck with a bad habit because of a rigid belief of the event that created it and those circumstances.

 

So the point here is that by loosening up the grip on the belief and seeing the story about the bad habit in a different way can really help you start to make changes.

 

What would happen if you took some time to think about the positive intentions of decisions and beliefs you formed from past events rather than just accepting them as rigid stuck problems? I mean really consider why you did things and find the positive rather than the actual past event that happened only which keeps you stuck.

 

Deliberately look for the positive of the things you thought of as problems to redefine your relationship to past events and give yourself a different way to think about habits.

 

You never know you might give yourself a bit of a break and see new possibilities and choices for progress and change because people really do change when they find a way to look at things from a new perspective that consistently works.

 

It’s amazing what happens when you change your relationship and story with a past event and how that can help you create new possibilities. It might even make you smile when you see a positive in there and that in itself is all it takes to start the process.

 

Please contact me HERE about a free 2-hour coaching session Now to consider new and better ways to change your future rather than just letting it happen.

 

Again thanks for blogging with me and please comment, share and like this editorial.

 

Marko

 

 

 

Are you fed up with the same old story?

What's your story then? life coach editorial image

 

What’s your story then?

 

Are you getting stale or bored because of the same old story your trapped inside? Need to say things out loud to make you feel alive in your workplace or at home? Well read on and tell me what you think after!

 

Life coaches are here to serve you and not to please you and that may sound provocative but is completely the truth and that’s the way it needs to be to shake people out of their stories. Your situation depends on you being able to honestly dig down into that story and situation skillfully to see what’s happening and how it affects you for good or for bad.

 

Yes it is uncomfortable having to go into the nuts and bolts of your life or the story you created but more and more high achievers are doing that. And with professional objective strangers like me to help them cut through the crap of their story about their life.

 

The closest people in our lives are not objective enough to help us as they are far too close to our stories and form part of the narrative. They also can’t tell you what you need to hear because they have a relationship with you and are part of the cast.

 

Most offer well-meaning advice that you might up ending up resenting or dismissing all because they were never your ideas and that can be painful to go through and even exhausting. Why can it be painful or exhausting? Well have you ever went on someones advice and eventually binned it off because in the end you realised it wasnt your idea? Are you getting the point now?

 

A skilled coach will bring out your own ideas, your greatness, your problem-solving abilities, your resourcefulness and get you to dig deep into your beliefs and habits for meaning. When you do this your story starts to loosen and can begin to change.

 

More often than not we keep going with behaviours, habits and routines that need to be discussed with someone that can see what’s going on from an objective level who can see the process and content from a different perspective and invite you to consider changes.

 

Most people can’t see the woods from the trees because they are so invested into their story that it is just too blurred and that’s where a coach adds value. A skilful caring coach will insist on getting into clarity and meaning of what’s happening for you and at times this is very uncomfortable.

 

Why can it be so uncomfortable? Well people pussy foot around you normally and don’t tell you how it is for loads of reasons like they don’t want to offend you or lose your affection. So having objectivity and not being involved in your life means that a coach must ask questions that encourage you to flesh out deeper meaning and often shock you with their questions or the answers you find.

 

Being asked skilful interesting questions can make you uncomfortable and stretch your understanding and that’s where the magic happens. Once we are awoken by seeing how we do things, what is there and really understanding what we want in a positive sense then a whole new map of your world or story can begin. This is the beauty of being served and not pleased because this is what friends do and coaches don’t.

 

Your direction, values and beliefs are the batteries for your success and can’t be installed by a coach! Coaching is a dance where the coach sometimes leads but the content and new direction is all pulled from within you by asking interesting questions that take you much deeper.

 

Are you fed up being pleased by well-meaning people and need to challenge yourself, your reality or your situation? What would it be like if you had powerful insights on a regular basis and changed that story for ever?

 

“Mark has that rare skill of being able to listen and to hear the message that is not being said directly. I found his ability to prompt me to consider a range of things that have either held me back, or driven me to pursue irrelevant issues extremely helpful.

I would heartily recommend his services in this field. His background and his “people skills” give him the ability to home in on the areas a person needs to focus upon. I’m very grateful to him for the insight he has given me.”

Patrick Cox image for What's your story then? life coach editorial Patrick G Cox – Germany

 

If you want to experience a complimentary 2-hour deep coaching session face to face or over the internet then please click HERE now where we can have a powerful conversation together and start changing that story.

 

Thanks again for reading my editorials and please feel free to contact me, comment, like and share.

 

Mark Pettigrew Image for What's your story then? life coach editorial

Marko

 

Are you leading by agreements or failing because of expectations?

Are you leading by agreements image for life coaching editorial

Agreements:

  • Harmony or accordance in opinion or feeling:
  • A negotiated and typically legally binding arrangement between parties as to a course of action:

 

I recently listened to an amazing audio by Steve Chandler outlining how we fail regularly because of what we expect from people and our unclear needs from them because we lack agreements.

 

I am going to make an assumption here that everyone wants some form of success in their lives right? Well the thing is that if you are leading people or leading yourself to success then expectations will cause you major and regular problems if you are not careful.

 

Expectations create fuzzy blurred and open-ended situations and outcomes. And they just set people up for trouble and arguments about what one person thought was being asked of by another person and where the other person believed it was the other way.

 

Expectations often create conflict, doubt and uncertainty if they are not nipped in the bud at an early stage. Expectations lead to hassles, missed deadlines, non-productivity and the list can go on and on I’m sure you would agree.

 

So people that lead well and clearly outline what they actually want from the organisation, people, products and the process through their agreements. They then set out how everyone works together in a plan because of their vision set out through that agreement.

 

Agreements can create clarity, creativity, vision and boundaries which actually draw out leaders throughout organisations. This is because everyone knows where they stand and how they can contribute to the outcome together by actually being all included in the creation of the agreement.

 

Something to keep in mind about agreements is they can be renegotiated, changed and adapted to fit in with your over all plan. This means when an agreement doesn’t work or is not as relevant anymore progress can be made and also people can be heard when an agreement doesn’t work so moral can remain high because of working together.

 

Steve Chandler says in the audio “Human beings don’t like breaking agreements but won’t live up to your expectations” so knowing that and when you think of how many times you were let down by your expectations of others then agreements make 100% sense for success right?

 

It could also be argued that:

EXPECTATION = Lack of leadership

AGREEMENTS = Leadership

 

So it could be a good idea to look at your life and spot where it’s not working and see what’s missing or needed there to avoid needless failures and confusion.

 

I offer a 2-hour complimentary deep coaching session and if you think this would serve you in an area of your life please click CONTACT and message me now.

 

Once again thanks for blogging with me and reading my editorials. And please feel free to comment and share this editorial.

 

Marko

What’s Important To you?

What’s Important To You – Life Coaching Editorial Series

 

what's important for you life coach image Paisley

 

Often when I am at events I get asked “what do you do?” and I used to say I’m an executive coach and plenty of times it looked quite an underwhelming answer for the person that asked the question.

 

Now I answer something like this “I help people break out of their limiting stories they call their lives” and I usually follow on with something like “If you think about it we all go round in a story about our lives and parts of it don’t work all that well do they?”

 

Then I explain that I am an executive coach just to clarify the story of what I just said. I noticed some time back when I became fascinated by “deep or transformational” coaching that many coaches want to get right into the HOW of what was going on or needed.

 

I then started to realise that we go round in behaviour habits or patterns that often don’t work and we stick with them and look for an action or How to break the pattern by getting into doing something which doesn’t solve the issue or habit.

 

People can have a very powerful WHY that draws them forward but get tired or burned out by the HOW habit of action that often doesn’t work because of the WHAT that may be missing or even not required because they haven’t went deep enough into their story on what’s been going on in this habit.

 

To give you a very personal insight of how I have worked on this WHAT that was missing for me was around the issue of “self-love” which I worked on with my own coach at a very deep personal level. I had for years been doing all sorts of things and activities that I thought would make me whole and getting burned out and fed up.

 

For me by being challenged about my WHY and by being guided deeper it became apparent that WHAT I thought was missing was actually inside of me all the time and couldn’t be gained by the constant exhausting searching and HOW actions and even bad habits.

 

So WHAT I was searching for was always inside and couldn’t be gained, bought or obtained external to me because it had always been inside of me but I was just blind to its existence.

are you ready for a breakthrough life coaching image for what's important to you editorial

WHAT do you want and WHY do you need it is a very powerful question to ask yourself  to get right into HOW you achieve that vision or goal.

 

Believe me the HOW is crucially important when clarity has been brought into play by getting off the surface and into quality interesting questions at a much deeper coaching  level.

Please contact me HERE to discuss a complimentary 2-hour deep coaching session today.

So what’s really important to you now?

 

Thanks again for blogging with me and reading my editorials and I look forward to being able to help you. And please feel free to comment below and share this article.

 

Marko